7 signs to tell you if you are being a toxic parent

Parenting is a lifetime duty and there are no breaks in it. With child, a parent is also born, and it goes on forever. No parent wants to follow a toxic technique while parenting his child. However, because you are involved in number of things concerning your child, you never realise when toxicity creeps in your parenting techniques. These might not be intentional but can be damaging for your child. In a long run, it may also impact your relationship with him. Though parents would never want anything wrong for their child, its better to know when you go off-track. Here are the signs that can help you to know if you are being a toxic parent.

Taking your frustrations out at your child

You might have a stressful work environment or have taken up a tedious project. You might be having personal or family issues in addition to your work life. It’s natural to get worked up. However, taking that frustration out on your child is not right. It might not always be in the form of anger. For instance, you come back home after a long day and see your child running around the house waiting for you. And you tell him to leave you alone for you want to rest. It might disappoint your child and even drift him apart from you gradually. You may also use anger and take out your frustration on your child if he demands time when you need to rest.

Labelling your child is toxic parenting

It’s easier to label your child’s behaviour. However, if you analyse, it could only be about a couple of bad choices he made or his bad mood. But as parents you are continuously on the duty of your child. Therefore, it’s usual for parents to tag their child as problematic, lazy, insensitive or troublesome. You are locking him in a negative identity, and it may get difficult for him to bring about a positive change in his life. Instead, you can focus on his behaviour and ways to correct it.

Toxic parents compare their child with others

It happens with so many children; they are compared with other children often. Parents feel that the child may understand the issue easily if they explain by giving examples of others. In reality, comparisons do not serve as any motivation. Experts believe that for the child to exhibit good behaviour parents compare him with his friends and siblings. But the comparison kills his self-esteem. Rather, parents should focus on their child’s individuality and things they are good at.

Toxic parents do not watch their words

While talking to a child, it’s important to know and realise the words you use. Using phrases like ‘you never do this’ or ‘you always exhibit such behaviour’ leave little or no scope for the child to change or improve. He feels that his parents have already decided the kind of child he is and thus, puts in no efforts to change. Do not generalise his behaviour, deal with it according to the situation. For instance, you can say, ‘you seem to get angry when you don’t find your thing’ or ‘you should put your things in place like I explained last time.’ This also helps in brushing up his memory of how you reacted when he did the same mistake last time.

Openly criticising the child

Everyone has flaws; children are allowed to learn by making mistakes. That doesn’t mean you should openly criticise him. For instance, you go to meet your child’s teachers and they complain about him. Talk to your child regarding the issue at home and not in front of his teachers and classmates. If you too start criticising him openly, he may feel dejected and his confidence can take a hit. Make your child feel that you are there to support him while he tries to improve. Also, watch your words when you talk to him. You don’t want him to pick up ‘bad’ words from you.

Toxic parents don’t listen to their child

Listen to your child before you start talking at him. Know what he has in mind and what he means. If you are child feel that he’s being listened to enough, he will come and share more and confide more in you. There could be things that you find inappropriate but listen till the end. Understand what made your child make the decision and what were his thoughts. Only when he’s finished talking, you start with your bit. Still, always start by saying ‘I heard you’ or ‘I understand what you meant’ or ‘Could you explain a little more about it.’ Then start by putting your opinion. Make them believe that whatever you are saying is after understanding their point of view.

Toxic parents don’t let child be independent

This might be a way to protect your child but this could be toxic for him. If he’s young, by doing everything for him, you may make him lazy or dependent on you. If he’s a grown up, you may make him feel incompetent if you do everything for him. Let him take his own steps and support wherever required. Doing everything for your child can prevent him from developing important skills. Only thing you have to make sure is that they have age-appropriate tasks to do.

Published : October 21, 2019 12:50 pm

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